Humidor and Cigar Store Etiquette: 7 Essential Rules

1) CIGAR SHOPPING IS NOT A FAMILY AFFAIR: Only necessary personnel should enter the humidor area, and especially if it is already crowded. Nothing sickens me more than when some idiot tourist feels compelled to drag his entire family into the humidor with him. Invariably, he's just there to gawk and will leave without buying anything. This rule also applies to "your crew". It's one thing to select cigars with a friend or two, its another thing entirely to roll into the humidor with your entire entourage, especially if they're there to gawk and not to buy cigars.

2) DO NOT BRING CHILDREN INTO THE HUMIDOR: Especially babies in strollers, and especially if they need their diaper changed. I have actually experienced this misfortune. Leave the albatross around your neck outside the humidor, or better still, don't bring your sniveling brats into the smoke shop at all. Older children should still be left to wait outside of the humidor (if not completely outside of the smoke shop) UNLESS they are accompanying you for the expressed purpose of learning about the process of selecting a fine cigar. I sure don't mind a man sharing his knowledge with his progeny, but they better behave themselves or they belong OUTSIDE.

3) DO NOT BRING FOOD OR DRINK INTO THE HUMIDOR: And I ain't talkin' about martinis and smoked salmon here. Though it should be obvious that this is a faux pas, you'd be amazed how many times I've seen idiot tourists in Charleston bring their shitty praline samples and flavored popcorn into the humidor (often with their families in tow). The fact they should be strung up for eating this garbage at all notwithstanding, it's downright rude. Don't do it.

4) UNLESS ASKED, KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF: The operative phrase here is "unless asked". I certainly don't mind steering inexperienced smokers in the right direction, or sharing opinions with other smokers. Just don't make unsolicited declarative statements, bitch out loud about the price of cigars, or other such horseplay. And if you are in the humidor with friends, keep your voices down and don't make an ass of yourself. Just think of type of men that smoke cigars--men like Churchill, Joe Pesci, etc. At best, your humidor companion will find you loathsome and boorish; at worst, they'll be the kind of guys that would slit your throat or put your head in a vise for pleasure. As a corollary to this, don't gripe about the prices--particularly if you're traveling. Some states like Oregon and Washington have usurious

5) DON'T MISHANDLE THE CIGARS: I'm not going to tell anyone who knows what they're doing how to select cigars. But if you DON'T know what you're doing, heed my words: don't squeeze the cigars, don't remove the cigars from their wrappers, or otherwise treat them roughly. Their is some debate on smelling cigars--some are of the opinion that you have to be Jorge Padron himself or have similar experience with tobacco to glean anything from a casual sniff. I wouldn't really agree with that, at least when it comes to trying new brands. I've yet to find a cigar that smelled bad that was worth smoking. The problem is that no one wants to put a cigar in their mouth after its been anywhere near your nose. Many smokeshops have a "if you sniff, you buy" policy for this reason.

6) DON'T DAWDLE IF OTHERS ARE WAITING OR IF THE HUMIDOR IS CROWDED: I like to linger in a spacious humidor as much as anyone; but if other's are waiting to get in or the humidor is crowded do it some other time. Like the guy directing traffic into and out of the restroom at the South Carolina State Fair said "Get the mens in, get the mens out...that's the name of the game." Obviously, you can't put a specific number on how many people constitutes "crowded"--in the Tobacco Merchant here in Columbia, the humidor is very spacious and could accommodate a dozen people. Some cigar stores have walk in humidors that would be "crowded" with one person inside. Use your judgment.

7) PLEASE MAINTAIN A BIT OF DECORUM: Just because you're inside a humidor doesn't make you cool, hip, trendy or anything else. It helps, but this fact is something that you owe to a long line of cigar smokers who came before you. They're the ones who have given cigar smoking the iconography and cachet that it has. The humidor is a temple in which civilized people honor the civilized life; it is an oasis of civilization, tradition and honor in a hectic and often uncivilized world. If you're not prepared to pay a bit of silent homage to men like Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, George Burns, Milton Berle and other legends while selecting your cigars, then perhaps your personality (or lack therof) is better suited to just pick up a pack of GPC's at the local 7-11. You'd be amazed at how often I see college kids inside the humidor tittering like a bunch of fraternity pledges entering a strip club for the first time. Needless to say, this ain't the way to behave inside a humidor or anywhere else for that matter.